Wednesday, October 9, 2013

Life is hard sometimes

Not sure why I´m here, because I had made the decision to stop posting here. But in a way it´s therapeutic to put down my thoughts and feelings here. I hope you don´t mind.
Life is full of sickness and pain at the moment. It´s so hard to watch a loved one suffer. We have friends who have cancer, we watch them..... we have a dad who fell and broke his hip, had a hip replacement, is still in hospital and is not getting any better, we watch him.....we have friends who´s marriages have split, we watch them.
What is a person to do? We pray. We try to help as best we can, but it hurts. I knew the time would come when people close to us would die, or suffer, and tried to prepare myself for it, but you really can´t. We are at the age, where sickness can come at any time. I was in the hospital for 3 days in Aug. and Sept, for two very different reasons. Both not explainable, no diagnosis. The pain came and went and no one knows from what. In Sept I had an allergic reaction  like I´ve never had before. One morning I woke up and my whole upper body was covered with red rash, even my face. Only after a few days of cortisone through the IV, did it go away. No one knows the reason for it.
I blame my sicknesses on my lack of exercise. Since I started full time work, I have not been able to do my walking like I used to. Back when I walked every day, I felt great. I know I have to get back to a routine of walking again and am working on getting my motivation up for that. It also helped to clear my mind. I know it was good for me, why is it so hard to do then??
I´d like to say to those that are healthy and have healthy friends and family: BE THANKFUL for each day  you have this blessing and know it is a gift from God. God knows how much a person can take, and doesn´t put more on his shoulders than that, but sometimes I think we need to focus on ourselves too, to not let ourselves get rolled over. We need to distance ourselves and not forget to focus on our own soul, we need to be aware of how much we can take. How to do that? Maybe a weekend away, or some time alone. That´s why it´s so important I start walking again too. Maybe your comments will spur me on. :)

My work is busy, but good. I think God gave me this new job, so I would be able to focus on that in the daytime and not have to dwell on the hard things happening in our lives at the moment. Even though it drains me totally some days, I´m thankful for the meaning it gives my day.

So, yes life is hard at the moment, but there will come other times. We will master this with God´s help and hope for better times.

Thanks for listening to my thoughts.


17 comments:

Jeanie said...

I am so sorry to hear you are having to deal with all of these things, Betty. I am glad you chose to write about it here and I hoped it helped you sort things out in your mind. The thought that comes to my mind is that with all you have going on with others in your life you need to take especially good care of yourself. Doc spent the last week of September in the hospital with some heart and breathing issues and I know how quickly we can stop taking care of ourselves when we are worried about someone else. Whether it is walking, praying or just relaxing a little you need some time for you.
I hope you can get yourself motivated to get back to walking. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers and will think of you and try to be more motivated when I am out walking.
Hugs!

Debbie said...

I'm sorry to hear about the rough days you've been facing. Being anywhere near 50 years old is a blessing. But at times, it can have a harsh dose of reality thrown in for good measure. My prayers are for smoother days ahead for you.

Anita said...

Hello Betty, It is good to hear your "voice" even though you are speaking of hard times. I would imagine that you are overwhelmed with emotion. Thankfully, you have the new job that you mentioned. I hope you will also allow yourself some joy outside of work when you can. There is only so much that we can do in some situations and we need to stay healthy, both physically and mentally for ourselves and for our loved ones.

You said you'd halted the blog writing, and maybe you won't post anytime soon, however,
whenever you do, it will be good to hear about your life.

And yes, it's good to be healthy and I thank God. Thank you for putting things in perspective.

betty said...

(((Betty))) It is so hard to see suffering and pain around us, with those that we dearly love, as well as family members of those close to us. It does wear us down. But you are right, the best thing we can do is pray and just trust God, no matter how hard it can be. And you are right, to find joy in something, even if it is a simple thing, like a walk, or a movie, or a weekend away, whatever it is. Life truly is hard, like you said, indeed.

Do get back to walking. I started walking (gave up the gym membership since we weren't getting there, I take a half hour walk 4 days a week, I'm going to try to increase it over time) and I do like the difference in how I feel.

Sorry about your medical problems too.

I do hope you post from time to time, sometimes it is just good to get things off your chest like you chose to do today.

betty

Tracy P. said...

Hi Betty! I'm sorry there are so many stresses in your life and those around you right now. All reminders we are not in control--I'm glad you are trying to focus on the things you CAN control, including taking care of yourself. I know you are offering so much support to others--sometimes I think only in adversity do we find out how truly loved we are. Know that encouraging is a big deal, even though you wish you could do more.

Mari said...

It's wonderful to see a post from you again! I'm sorry you have so much going on though.
I've gotten away from walking too and was thinking this morning that I need to start up because I felt so much better!

Kay said...

I'm so sorry for all the pain and anguish you are suffering through right now. I know what you mean about appreciating the times that are good because they are awfully fleeting. I'm glad you are posting to let us know how you are because we do all care. I'm very busy right now with so much happening, but I had to write. Please take care of yourself and check out that rash. Make sure it's not shingles which stress can bring on.

Julie said...

Oh Betty. I am so sorry for it all. Girl I understand more than you know.
I too know I have to take care of myself but when? Prayers and lots and lots of patience. Thank you for topping by. Blessings my friend!

Debsdailylife said...

Betty, Im so sorry to hear of all the pain and suffering!!! Youre so right, life doesnt make any sense!! People always say, or biggest growth is thru the trials, (not fun to go thru them) and it takes so much time to heal!!! Im praying for you!!!
And it was so good to 'hear' from you again!!! I miss reading about your life!!!

Joyce said...

I was just going thru my reader, I'm so behind and have missed a few things. I'm sorry you've had so much to deal with. There are seasons, aren't there? I will be thinking of you, and am glad you popped in here to share your thoughts. Take care.

Marla said...

I feel for you, and I also know this age where the body starts ailing...and I remember saying "I am not going to talk about my aches and pains"... but sometimes it's really hard. Misery loves company! ha Seriously, none of us can get through life without some pain, physical and emotional. Thank God (literally)for prayer and the promise of a pain-free heavenly life to come. Hang in there!

Kathy said...

Hi Betty!
I finally have time to read your blog and I see that I'm glad I stopped by so I can add my prayers to those praying for you and all of your loved ones and friends. It's hard to wait for answers to prayers sometimes and sometimes His answers are not our answers, but we must have faith and trust that He knows what's best because He knows the end from the beginning and loves us more than we realize.
I understand about rashes, because I have been prone to them my whole life--ugh! Many times they are allergies, and yes, many times you can never find out what you're allergic to--ugh! Good luck!
Have a nice week Betty, enjoy your lovely family being near you, take care and God bless! Hugs!

Donna B. said...

I am so sorry to hear about your two hospital stays and your mystery rash. I would venture to say it is stress and worry. Stress can manifest into everything from pain, rashes, hives, illness, cancer….

know from personal experience when I worked for the Federal government and we all went through yearly lay offs for four straight years. You would not believe the rampant heart attacks, fibromialgia, panic attacks, IBS, heart palpitations, hives, rashes, stomach pains, back pains and on and on everyone was having and when they called out sick, they were brought into the office and ridiculed for missing work when we were so short staffed! Double and tripling the stress…

I think when we have excellent or good coping skills it hits us even harder…because having good coping skills we learn to "ride through difficult times"….but in doing so, we have to turn off or suppress important personal, life navigational feelings which stunt our lives in the process and in doing so, make us sick.

Our bodies know. Our bodies remember. Our bodies can heal themselves in so many circumstances…but we disconnect from it. We don't trust ourselves…we please, we do for, we feel obligated (which is the kiss of death) and we stuff and we stuff….

We have to feel to heal and to grow. We have to seek joy and in seeking joy, we meet pain and suffering. It hurts to see people we love and care for suffer or die. There is no other path because we do so much damage if we attempt to cut off our feelings.

I might suggest googling Barbara Karnes RN. She is a hospice nurse and has a wonderful video GONE FROM MY SIGHT. She talks about death and the process of dying with love, respect, humor in such a way, it removes the weight of it…she relieves your perception on death. She gives so much comfort. She really helped our family with my Dad and subsequent deaths…

The reality of it is that we ALL are GOING TO DIE. It is a fact. A guarantee. That is why it is so imperative to FEEL and LIVE our lives. Feel the real. We do such disservice to ourselves to BS ourselves.

Like the old saying, "Make yourself happy or you cannot make anyone else happy." So true. When we make ourselves feel good, we affect others and make them feel good. When we feel bad and miserable often we estrange others…no one wants to be around a miserable, unhappy person…

"Normally" you are such a positive, creative, happy person, at least it is my opinion in knowing you through blogging these past seven years…so this particular time in your life is a valley of sorrow…but soon, you will know joy again.

Another important necessity is prayer and gratitude…just as you said. It is certainly what gets me through terrible times.

Hang in there…wrap yourself tight in a heavy, warm blanket…have a cup of tea…do whatever it is which is gentle and kind for yourself, because you are suffering with those you love and care about….but you are so right Betty, you must also protect yourself when it gets too much of a burden…you have to take care of you first. It is not selfish. It is self-ness. Self awareness, tuning into our feelings is our GPS through this life.

((((((((((BIG HUGS TO YOU ))))))))))))))) my dear friend...

Julie said...

Found it. Hope that life is treating you so much better then it was. I know life is difficult but together we can make it. Give me a holler if you need anything.
Blessings Betty!!

Mrs. Miles said...

Checking in on you Betty - I pray things are gentler for you at this time.

♥ Barb

Julie said...

Not here nor there so leaving a message here. I hope that all is okay Betty. Life is tough at times, sometimes a lot, but together we can make it. Give me a holler if there is anything a long distant friend can do to help.
Take care my friend.
Blessings!!

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